I feel like my life is changing. Well, it is. My kids aren't little anymore. One is considering the military and dying to move out, and the other is a senior in high school with a full social and work life. I'm not needed anymore - or I felt like that anyway.
Fast forward a few weeks (to a week or two ago). I was sitting in prayer meeting listening the requests of a few members that are in need of work to provide for their families. Two of these are men that have family to support, one is a woman who needs to be the "bread winner" for her family because her husband is ill. It hit me, I mean hit me like God was standing next to me like Jethro Gibbs from NCIS and smacked me upside the head, that I was being totally selfish. I realized that I hadn't been praying for God to provide a job for me, I had been demanding that God give me the job I wanted me to have! Even though I was feeling (yes feelings are very deceiving) that I was praying in an honoring way, I came to realize I was not honoring my Lord in how I was praying.
I went on a job interview yesterday for a temporary position that would have only lasted 2 weeks. My feeling was that either I wouldn't get the job, or I would get it and God would use it to show me something. Well, I didn't get it and I am totally at peace with it! Why?
Amy Carmichael was a missionary to India. When she was a little girl, she prayed with all her heart that God would change her brown eyes to beautiful blue eyes. Day after day she prayed her prayer for her heart's desire. God never changed her eye color, but in her years as a missionary, she realized that blue eyes would have prevented her from ministering to the Indian people, and it would have possibly gotten her killed! Because she had brown eyes, the people excepted her quickly. I can't remember the details of why she needed to blend in and not be white, but for some reason, her white skin color could have gotten her killed at one point. Amy used coffee grounds to color her skin to match her people, and if her eyes were blue, she would have given up her true skin color. What did Amy Carmichael learn? She learned that "No" is also an answer.
A lot of times when we pray, we pray with the attitude that God will only answer our prayer if it's a Yes. We don't often consider the "no" as answer, but rather an unanswered prayer. I saw God's hand working this week, especially in that "No, not right now." answer to my prayer for a job. After that night at prayer meeting, I began changing my prayer to truly wanting God's will for my life.
I see now that if I had an 8-5 job everyday, that I would lose my quiet time that I have in the morning. I can't see when I would possibly have time sit and quietly pray with my God and spend time in His Word. When would I have time to take care of my family that still needs me? I have 2 teenagers that work in retail with crazy hours, I can't see how we'd work out transportation with 3 workers and 1 car. "No" is God's perfect will and I am at peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment